Sunshine? Not Always as It Appears

Have you noticed, people tend to gravitate to those with vibrant personalities and sunny dispositions? Kate Spade’s recent passing is a reminder that people, or things, are not always as they appear. There was no summer solstice sunshine in Kansas City. In fact, it was drizzling rain as family and friends gathered to attend the service for Ms. Spade. According to those who loved and knew her, “a ray of sunshine” is the repeated description of the entrepreneur behind the Kate Spade handbag empire. Her tragic ending begs the question, is there someone in our circle who is suffering deeply from depression and masking it equally?

David Spade, Ms. Spade’s brother-in-law, released an impactful statement after receiving the news of her suicide, “It’s a rough world out there, people, try to hang on.”

Influential Insight:  While words alone are not a cure for severe depression, words make a difference in our everyday lives.

Our work at the Jernudd Company is communication. Whether we are coaching clients for media interviews, developing influential leadership programs or sales presentation skills, words are keys to the message and the story. President Reagan, the great communicator’s leadership style was to speak in positives. For example, he did not say, “I’ll never forget you.” Instead, he said, “I’ll always remember you.”

Closer to home, just yesterday I received an email from a business associate who is running three successful companies. He asked for a favor, if I had time. It was a jam packed Monday filled with non-stop meetings. But, I made the time to respond with yes, I would be pleased to help him and to call me. Later in the day he sent a second email explaining that it had been a bad day for him and how my email lifted his spirits. He added, “Thanks for the magic.” Really? It was such a little gesture on my part. Once again, a reminder of the power of our words.

Social media trolls and snarky word attacks are not only rampant on the Internet, take a listen. They are everywhere. In professional organizations, at work, social situations or, even around a family gathering. How do you rise above critics or escape becoming sidelined by tart tongues or fast and furious fingers?

Start by avoiding gossip. If someone makes a snarky comment or gossips, try using my one-word technique: “Pardon?” State it with a definite, “Did you really say what I think you said,” tone. This one word often stops people cold. If the gossiper continues, pull out the standby cliché, “Really? And they say such nice things about you.” There is nothing more a gossip likes than a listener. Don’t enable them.

Run from the critics. During the early days of my television career, I stepped inside the control booth to check out the action. As exciting as it was to watch the director call the shots and feel the adrenaline of the technicians and producers making a show happen, it was also an ear opener. Comments such as, “That was so dumb!” “What is he talking about?” “Who goes on air wearing an outfit like that,”  well, it was enough for me to bolt out of there as fast as my high heels could move. I later related the experience to the program director. He shrugged and said, “Let me give you a piece of advice. The biggest reason people make snide comments is because they don’t have the talent, the look, the skills or the courage to be in front of the cameras.” His advice might resonate with you if you ever hear of someone criticizing you. Or, as my mother put it, “Criticism is valid only if you respect the critic.”

No therapy involved. You don’t need to be a psychologist to understand that people who put others down are attempting to build themselves up. These are often unhappy, opinionated bullies throwing their weight around. Your role is not to think you can change them. Cut down your exposure to mean spirited people while maintaining your sense of humanity.

David Spade’s statement gives us something to think about. We can try harder to not make the world tougher for anyone. Life has a way of throwing us off balance at one time or another. As our thoughts turn to the glow of summer vacations, sunsets and suntans, let’s take the opportunity of this sunshine season to be sunnier and kinder to ourselves and each other.

Stay tuned!